January 17, 2010

So my weekend, although long, was going to be really boring until Hilary asked me to come over on Saturday. I met her at my school instead of her house because she's the president and had to pretend to be happy at some 6th grade open house. Open doors and what not.

Anyway I met her there at 12 and then her mom's boyfriend's mother and her mother took us to lunch at some Mediterranean place. It was really good but they kept giving me food and I ate like a total phony, as Holden would say. I kept my elbows at my sides and stuck my pinkie out. All that jazz.

Then we went back to her place and walked around the park across the street. Her house is like the ones Cynthia's and Christy's have in movies. Its huge and has a tiny drive way. A pool and Jacuzzis and a big bachelor pad kitchen.Minimal damage balconies and weird Native American art of like heads and hands.

Their situation is a little off. Though who's isn't now a days? Her mom's boyfriend bought the house and let her real dad stay their in his little Steelers covered room (I felt like I had just seen some documentary on obsessed people.)

But Hilary herself is normal. She's sweet and beautiful. Not cheerleader pretty, but like hidden somehow, that its so obvious but people look over it. God, I am the next frickin Shakespeare.

We saw Tangled and she nearly cried 3 times. It wasn't beauty and the beast but it was still really good. Disney fairy tales make me happy on the inside, like if you hollowed out a cucumber and then put some butter in there and then heated it up with princesses. Yeah, so my back up plan for the whole Shakespeare thing is a dog walker.

We also ran into our old science teacher hanging out in her best friends new house, which is on the park practically. We got ripped off by the foreign people in the ice cream truck. It was like a  family affair, working in the ice cream truck. I could tell they were the kind of people that whispered, 'Ahah we speak English and we just got 2 more dollars then we needed!' after you had left. So overpriced frozen water was the highlight of the day.

I was in awe by the amount of movies they had. At first I thought I want to have all these movies when I grow up. All stacked and shelved, pretty. And then I realized that the million DVD's lining their living room made them look really stupid. Like when you see someone who carries 5 books and 3 binders with them at all times, and then the opposite.

I watched a few movies I knew I couldn't get online and started a mental list. When I'm older, I'll buy novels hollow them out and then put my movies inside. I'll look genius. Let me go buy a pair of false glasses. (I love how it takes glasses for my mom to find her glasses.)

I told Bernie Scarlett Johannsen would play her in a movie. She told me Rachel McAdams would play me and then she asked who the one girl that I loved from Gossip Girl was. Leighton Meester. Yeah, she would play you.
God, she's good.

Let me just put this out there- If you like The Secret Life of the American Teenager and Twilight I probably don't care for you as a person.

I am going to give some tips now. Some for you, some for the 8th grade teacher.

Student-
1. Don't screw with the people in charge of your grades.
2. Don't carry a bag heavier than yourself.
3. If you don't know the answer it's C, and if C couldn't possibly be it than still put C, because what do you know moron.
4. Don't give people money unless they're desperate. It's the difference between generous and pimping.
5. Always agree with the person to your left. Then tap your heels 3 times and snap 2.
6. Avoid, at all costs, ending up like me. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE RULER OF THE WORLD.
7. Try not to back talk PE teachers.
8. Or if you do, come up with a way to keep yourself from laughing (i.e. biting lip, pinching palm) for when they turn unearthly colors.
9. Don't say yes to anything that the girls who are always in the restrooms offer you.
10. Come to terms with the fact that whatever your worst fear is it will be made fun of.
11. Or you can take mine, ( Your nose is soo big! Yeah, man, more for your mom!)
12. Don't say anything mean over txt about a person using their name.
13. Think ahead and come up with code names first.
14. No one cares about you anyway, don't flatter yourself. They aren't looking at you. They have drugs and ear sex to do.

Teacher-
1. Never, and I mean never wear a shirt without checking to see if nipples are visible. Lets be honest. That's strapping meat to a baby before throwing it to the wolves.
2. Don't let them know you know your nicknames. It's reason to make more.
3.Don't use our slang. Just, god, just don't.
4. Don't play games with us. Like the I'm going to Wait Until You Shut Up Yourself game.
5. Say that on big test days food and or gum is allowed. Major bonus points without having gum all over the room all the time.
6. Don't quote dead guys too often.
7. Keep change in your room just in case one of us forgets our lunch. Respect for you will grow.
8. Don't curse in front of the class, only when having private convo's with students.
9. Keep the motivational posters to a minimum.
10. Have an extra stapler. You'll figure out why on your own.
11. Get one kid, a popular one, to love you. You're home free if you do.
12. Don't give us our missing assignments in cursive. You won't get them.
13. Have a picture of yourself in 6th, 7th and 8th grade. No matter how terrible you look. We relate and crap to that stuff.
14. Don't change your look until Summers. Change scares the crap out of us.

Baby, I know.
I'm thinking thematic tips next.

Last full day until next week!

(At least the band is getting better in 1st period. They don't suck so bad anymore. I can tell the difference between America the Beautiful and Down by the Pond)

Your mom wears crocs! Yeah, well more for, uh..I know....