February 23, 2011

Above all else, above feet touching me, above people in general, I hate the things they do.

Which is why it's going to be the main victim of my abuse today.
I have compiled a list of what not to do, and what to do in middle school, specifically.


1. Do, come up with a signature thing. May it be an article of clothing, or hair style. Own it, because then no one can mess with you for it.
2. Do, wear your most daring clothes on the first week of school. Kids only tease when you aren't fitting in the mold they have already set, so whether it be a skirt or dress, or knee high shoes, make sure you set the mold to fit the person you want to be. So you won't be scared to show it later.
3. Don't, get to sappy and serious on your internet blogs. Oh, that's right. You're not a loser at life.
4. Don't, waste your money on lead, their will always be suckers who will give it to you for free.
5. Same goes for paper, and homework answers, and food and love. People give it out free here.
6. Do, keep a Tide stick on you. For those icky moments when you realize that re-enacting a People Eating Weird Things episode is a bad idea.
7. Do, always add 'in my pants' to what your teacher says.
8. Don't, say that stuff out loud.
9. Do, keep your hate list online, like me, with fake names. Rather then in a wide ruled red notebook that ends up sitting by the When Bambi's Mother Didn't Come Back and I am Irrationally Considering Making my BF get Vampire and Werewolf Plastic Surgery Brochures.
You all know who you are...
10. Do, be quiet in health class. Because health teachers are only slightly less temperamental then PE teachers. And they think of themselves as failures as life, so they're pretty sensitive. Again, you know who you are...

And always remember....
In middle school it isn't ever quality before quantity.
You have to have all of it. Even if you have all the crap versions of it.

Clothing can rip within a week, but the fact that you wore it made you amazing.
All your friends, who would easily fill your shampoo bottle with henna ink, can be crap friends. If you have bad friends but lots of them, you have lots of Facebook friends. And, perhaps more important then Smoothie Tuesday, are Facebook friends.
Me? I have 24. And most of them are my imaginary friends accounts. But they rarely post anything.

Today was uneventful. I talked Justin Bieber's hair with the cheerleaders.
I found out Issy just went into my Facebook to read my message from Peter's friend. No biggie.
I continued setting up Specs with the other most disliked girl in our class. Only my match making is so darn good, I've been eating half of lunch alone and riding the bus solo too. Crap.

Oh. And Issy is totally disgusted with Jordan, her boyfriend, right now due to a slight bathroom event.
They were at the park together and first she could hear him peeing and it was pretty stop go stop go. And then, worse, he came out and she told him where the sink was, and he responded,'I didn't pee on my hands,' And kept walking!

While she told me and throughout the rest of lunch, I kept touching her hands and jawline and saying,'Hey babe what's up,' in my mock Jordan voice just to get to her.

He seems like the kinda guy that will grow up and say stuff like,'They're real if I can touch them!' Logic skips a generation.... And it appears.

We were on the bus and she went to give me a wet willy and I made her stop and think about what she had just done.


Ah. Life's good.
Until tomorrow my croc wearers!