February 14, 2011

You aren't going to believe this, but guess what I just found...a movie staring Billy Crystal and Julia Roberts. That's like combining ice cream and potatoes (my favorite foods) only in the end it tastes good, and not like french fries and Micky D's milk shakes.

Now wait? That sounds good.

Alright..I'll do it, Happy Valentines!
And for all you bitter, dieing alone people...join the club! Hah, just kidding it's a matter of time before Ellen comes and knocks on my door. But, Happy Single Awareness Day!

For some reason Mr.Nose kept taking peoples Valentines, cupcakes, flowers and candies and putting them in this room in the office. It was like where the Power Puff girls exorcised their bulimia.
Roses and cakes and pink rose up against the walls, obviously the Nose is single.

And if you aren't convinced by the abolishment of Valentine's, he also owns a purple, window less raper van. So do what you will with that.

Conversation with my mom...
Me- What music do you want to listen to?
Mom- the sound of silence...
Me- My extensive knowledge of music just proved your witty comeback a misfire
       "Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping"
Yeah, think next time.

I was not alone in handing out Valentines today, mine perhaps were the most childish, but needless to say I can't remember what happened in the last 8 minutes of my life due to the sugar.

And on this great day of love, me and Issy got kicked off our lunch table.
When I'm on a 3 pm talk show (you know which one I'm talking about) in the future, this will be my go to story in order to make myself seem deep and wounded.

It went like this....
Me and Issy and Specs got to the lunch room and the people who usually sat a table down had slid to our end and some other girls looked up at us in all the open spaces with big, stupid smiles.

At first we just stumbled around, I considered going Mean Girls and eating in the restroom, and then I remembered I'd be eating in a restroom. We sat down at table three, right across from our old seats and then went to the bathroom. When we came back that spot had been invaded too, but we managed to push our way around them.
Spec's left minutes later, which added insult to injury., because when your not good enough for her you know you've peaked and now are free falling. Might as well end it all now.

We ate and then Issy took me to Jordan's table. All in all it was highly emotionally pressuring. But we pulled through, I just kept thinking about the bright side of not being in the bathroom.
Issy- At least we moved up a table.
Me- We were kicked off table two, it really doesn't get worse.

I have also come to the conclusion, on this wonderful day of cupid, that I am a guy at heart. Now, now, we all saw it coming. But no, I was thinking about the fact that I blew off Katlyn, a big bottomed girl, to be with Kenzie, a cheerleader. Making me officially a male.

I should just start buying 2 dozen frozen meals at grocery stores and giving out amazing candy on Halloween now. It's simply a waste of time to wait any longer.

And though I don't have a date tonight, and I sent myself a rose (the moment of them saying to O from Holden Caulfield, was totally jacked because the messenger didn't know how to say Holden or Caulfield, but I should have seen my brilliance go to waste anyway beforehand, what with the fact that they probably think the Catcher in the Rye is the movie version of the Children of the Corn,) I feel good today because Kenzie wrote call me on my valentine. Of course it was a joke, and I'm joking right now. Am I? I don't know?

You know you probably all think I'm a lesbian, but I'm not, I don't think. It's just I have no legitimate crushes to tell you about. Sorry, I'm just to good looking, girls they follow me around like I'm a cross breed of Justin Beiber and the one guy from those vampire movies. (I'm just messing with you, I know who he is, Ted Williams?)

Alright, I have an early bus to catch and another loveless year to look forward to.
Oh and don't forget to sign on to my petition to outlaw crocs and get queerities in the dictionary!

One small step for an Observer, and then another and another, because middle school is massively overrated.